Writing about this date makes me cringe a little, but I swear I did this for the purpose of research. Part of my 52 First Dates Project was to search for a decent guy, but the other part was a social experiment. I got my undergrad degree in anthropology, so I’ve always been fascinated by culture and human nature. Not only did I go on a lot of dates, I also talked to a lot of guys about their experiences. It seemed that those of us who were viewed as serial daters were often intrigued by each other. We wanted to know what dating web sites were the best and what trends we saw in dating. The answers helped us to better navigate the world of modern dating, taking new strategies into our future dates.
I found Raul’s profile on OkCupid, and I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw his profile pictures. The majority of his pictures were shirtless which you might not think unusual for a dating site. However, he was no Adonis. Instead, he was short, fluffy, and hairy, and not in the cute teddy bear way. He tried to lure me in with this message:
Mmm…You’re either a lot of trouble or…a lot of fun…not sure which one. I swear that you have a twin who works at Whole Foods. Cute pics. The one of you in the classroom has to be my fave. You have that totally dorky cute girl vibe. Check out my profile. Then message me back. Tell me more about you.
I ignored his message until a few weeks later when my girlfriend got a similar message from him. The message was exactly the same except for he told her, “The one of you on the beach has to be my favorite.”
I had to talk to Raul and find out what his game was. A generic message copied to all his prospects except for one line different and shirtless pics. Was this guy getting any action?
We chatted on the phone and he explained that the shirtless pictures were part of his own social experiment. According to Raul, he got 285% more responses with the shirtless pictures than when he posted pictures of him fully clothed. He was extremely confident and a bit arrogant, claiming to be a dating expert. I told him about my dating project, and although he found it interesting, he did not ask me out. He told me to call him when I wasn’t busy dating a dozen guys.
A month later, he called me out of the blue and asked me to join him for a drink. I wasn’t actually interested in pursuing a relationship with him, but I wanted to hear more about his dating research and adventures. He explained that he wasn’t meeting me to be part of some anthropological study, but because he thought I was hot and he wanted to “fuck me.” Charming! I told him not to get his hopes up and met him in a busy public bar where some of my friends hang out.
When I arrived at the bar, he was already seated at a table drinking a beer. So much for being a gentleman and waiting for me to arrive. He snapped his fingers at the waiter and ordered me a beer without asking what I wanted. The next hour, the situation became even more unbearable.
First, he bragged about his dating profile, claiming that his body is irresistible to women. He rambled on about some book he read about dating and how modern dating is all a statistics game. I discussed my dating project and how it was fulfilling the anthropologist in me. He said that he thought writing a book about my experiences was a lame idea, that there were already too many books on the market. Then, he had the audacity to say that I would never be able to get a PhD in anthropology, that I wasn’t smart enough. Once I told him I already have a Master’s in Linguistics that shut him up.
After all of the put downs, he actually thought he could put the moves on me. He started to run his fingers through my hair and tried to get closer. I pushed him away and tried to get him to focus on talking again. The conversation then turned to sex, and he started to tell me in full detail about his sexual performance issues.
After about an hour of listening to his hot air, I decided to say goodnight. I was hoping to glean some new insights about the modern dating world, but instead I had to tolerate an egotistical, impotent Mr. Know-It-All. It’s an hour of my life I can’t get back, but hey, at least I got a free beer out of it.