The time following a divorce can be painful, but it’s ultimately a time to rediscover who you are and enjoy life again. In the time surrounding my divorce, I not only lost my marriage, but I lost two cousins in the span of one month, one to breast cancer, one to a drug overdose. I also faced my own medical scare, an irregular mammogram, followed by a biopsy which fortunately was benign. I could have hidden, behind the scenes, avoiding the spotlight, but instead I chose to open the curtains and bravely take my spot on the stage of life.
It was a Friday night, and I was going to purchase rush tickets to my favorite Broadway show, “Rent.” I planned on going alone, but at the last minute, a date surfaced. I was killing time before the show, playing on Bumble, when I swiped right on a handsome young Indian man, Ramesh. “Boom” a match! We began messaging and he soon decided to join me.
An hour later, Ramesh arrived, dashingly dressed in blue dress pants, a dress shirt, and a blue sports coat. The show started and we were whisked away to New York City and a colorful cast of characters.
After the show, he took me to a swanky downtown bar for drinks and conversation. We sunk into a vintage dark blue velvet couch and chatted while sipping our cocktails. I was impressed with his style. Instead of blabbering on about himself like so many men do, he asked a lot of questions to get to know me. And, he was building chemistry by occasionally touching my arm during the conversation.
When we finished our drinks, we walked out into the balmy night air, with the city skyscrapers towering above, lighting up the concrete streets. We stopped, taking it all in, and kissed.
He had Ubered to the show, so I offered to take him home. He had just finished medical school, so he way staying with his parents until he found a job. We pulled up to his home, and I was in awe. The home was one of those luxurious grand houses along the bay. He offered to give me a tour of the house. I parked in the circular driveway, and we entered through the garage which housed three BMWs. This world was so foreign to me, and not a world I desired, but it was fun to visit if even for a short while. He led me into the house, beautiful hardwood floors and vaulted ceilings led us to the gem of the house, the balcony overlooking the bay. I breathed in the salty night air and we kissed a bit more.
Ramesh led me back inside to his movie room, a room which was about half the size of my modest condo. He put on some music, The Chainsmokers, and we smooched some more, grooving to the music. He removed his shirt, and I explored every inch of his delicious mocha skin. He covered my neck , chest, and arms in hot, wet kisses. He shocked me by licking and sucking on my inner elbow; I shivered as he discovered this new erogenous zone. As turned on as I was, I wasn’t going to share my sacred flower with him. Instead, I focused on him, and he was quickly pleasured. He held me in his arms, both of us relaxed in the moment. I was growing drowsy and wanted to sleep in my own bed, so I thanked him for the fantastic date and went on my way.
I didn’t see Ramesh again, and I really didn’t expect to. We had a wonderful evening together, but from the beginning, there was an unspoken agreement that this would just be one night. Meeting Ramesh was about living in the moment. Dating can be painful if one gets too caught up in second dates and the future instead of just enjoying what the universe presents. Not all dates are about finding happy endings; some dates are about being present in the moment and sharing an experience.
The philosophy below from “Rent” eloquently expresses this concept and has guided my dating project. Life is full of suffering and pain, but we have to move on and find joy in our lives. We may not have tomorrow, so we need to embrace these moments as they come and live life fully.
The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future, there is no past
Thank God this moment’s not the last.
There’s only us, there’s only this
Forget regret, or life is your to miss
No other road, no other way
No day but today.
(Jonathan Larson, Rent)