Red Flag Alert!

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Tonight, I spotted a party game while shopping, “Red Flags: The Game of Terrible Dates”. This particular dating story isn’t about a bad first date but about a week of glaring red flags with a so-called prince charming I’ll call “Red”.

On our first date, Red and I immediately realized we had a lot in common and there was definitely a spark. Our conversations sizzled, and we shared a sensuous kiss at the end of night.

Red Flag #1: On my way to our second date, he texted:

“What ring size are you?” (ring and bride emojis) He swore he was only kidding.

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Our second date was a playful night with drinks, chatting, games, and some sweet kissing.  At one point in our conversations he started talking about wine vineyards in New York.

Red Flag #2: “We could take the kids there in the fall.” What did he just say? Only our second date and he’s already talking about family vacations? Red Alert! Red Alert!

Despite these red flags, I continued to chat with him daily. He was a sweetheart, texting me each morning telling me to have a good day.  However, from time to time, he’d sneak in that ring and bride emoji again.  He told me he was just having fun, “I’m just being ridiculous”.

Within days of meeting Red, I became extremely sick with strep throat. He was very attentive and checked on me all the time to make sure I was ok. But, despite all the attention, my instincts were telling me to dig deeper.

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For those of you who are dating, let me tell you, modern technology is your best friend. Facebook, Instagram, and Google offer a wealth of information about your dates and can keep you from getting mixed up with the wrong person. Here’s what I found:

Red Flag #3: His ex girlfriend’s FB page revealed some disturbing information. She had his name tattooed on her arm, but posted about getting a cover up tattoo. Her page was also flooded with posts about  narcissists and domestic abuse, and these followed their final break up.

I didn’t want to directly confront him about what I found because I imagined if it was true, he would just deny it. So, I casually asked him to tell me about his ex girlfriend and ex wife. He accused the ex girlfriend of being abusive to him, saying she suffered from psychological issues. He also referred to his ex wife as a bitch and other ex girlfriends as sluts and whores.

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As a mom, the next red flag really rattled me:

Red Flag #4:

Me: I saw your FB pics of you with your daughter on her birthday…adorable. Do you have to visit her at an institution?

Red:  Thanks to my ex wife, yes. This is why I don’t like my ex being around…This is one of the things that is completely unfounded, unreasonable, unnecessary, and is going to be fixed soon. 

Most supervised visitations are because there was some kind of domestic violence or psychological issues. He told me that his ex girlfriend hit him in front of his daughter.

As a mom, my number one priority is to protect my daughter, and when it comes to my dating life I have to make sure whatever man I bring into my life I can trust with my daughter. There were too many red flags pointing to abuse and I refused to allow that into my life.

The next day, I told him I’d call after my daughter went to bed at 9. By 10, I hadn’t called him, and he sent this text:

Red Flag #5:

Red: Or forget me and don’t hit me up, that’s cool too (middle finger emoji, crying emoji, gun pointed to emoji head)

Me: Why so dramatic? She went to bed later and I had to finish laundry and dishes. I don’t appreciate that.

Red: I’m sorry. I was just messing with you.

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I quickly called him and told him I was starting to  have serious apprehensions about this relationship because it was moving too fast and I wasn’t comfortable with the situation with his daughter.  He didn’t want to talk. “Fine, I’ll get in touch with you when the court case is resolved,” and he hung up on me. Then he texted:

Red: I figure it goes without saying that I won’t see you tomorrow. You really, really hurt my feelings here. Take care.

Perhaps my suspicious about Red aren’t true, but I wasn’t going to stick around and find out. My gut was telling me to get out…run!!

What about you? Have you ever stopped dating someone due to glaring red flags?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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After getting divorced, I challenged myself to a year-long dating project: 52 First Dates. The goal was to go on 1 date a week for 1 year on a search to rediscover myself and to hopefully find love. Join me on this adventure as I share my dating stories.

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